Golden Fantasy VIII
by Miss Black Dragon
Summary: In my attempt to get with the parody craze, I decided to parody Final Fantasy 8, Golden Sun style... So here's FF8 as you've never seen it before. There are a few author cameos - check to see if you're there!
1. So she's writing a parody

****

Golden Fantasy VIII

Prologue: So she's making a parody…
    
    Speech format:

name of character, underlined (how they're speaking/writing in brackets next to the character name)
    
    speech
    Thoughts and whispers in (brackets)

Stuff flashing across the middle of the screen will be centered

What's happening in [straight brackets]
    
    Author *cough*programmer*cough* comments in {fancy brackets}

FMV sequence {yep, on a GBA. don't ask how.} in _italics_

Clickable and stuff that in the game had [brackets] around them in **bold** (I know that parts of the opening FMV sequence are in bold.. I tried to take out the bold-ness. I really did.)

Everything in between the * * * * * start * * * * * and * * * * * end * * * * * tags are part of the story

****

* * * * * start * * * * *

__

[The Golden Sun cast is lounging around in Character Compression (it's where all the fanfiction characters hang out when they're not acting out fanfiction, ya know?) when Miss Black Dragon pops up randomly and hands out scripts.]
    
    
    Miss Black Dragon (hereafter known as Car)
    Guess what? I'm writing a Golden Fantasy VIII parody. In other words, a parody of Final Fantasy VIII (hereafter referred to as FF8) with you guys as the main characters. Programming starts tomorrow, haaaaaaaave fun!
    _[Car leaves, also by popping down randomly. The Golden Sun cast take their scripts.]
    _Isaac(writing on a dry erase board in Jupiter purple)
    I'm Squall Leonhart!
    Mia
    Neat! I'm Rinoa. Heheheh…
    [Ivan glances down at his sheet.]
    Ivan
    YES! I'm LAGUNA LOIRE! In the past, anyway!
    [Ivan starts to paaaaaartay]
    Mia
    Oh, I've been double casted… I'm Rinoa AND Julia Heartilly. I suppose it's a good thing Julia's dead in the present part of the game.
    [Ivan goes starry eyed, and darts over to Mia.]
    Ivan
    YOU'RE Julia? YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!
    Mia
    O.o;; OKay…
    Alex
    I'm Seifer. Figures. Especially since Karst is Edea, Menardi is Ultimecia, and Mia's Rinoa…
    [Most of the cast cringes sympathetically, and Alex looks at his script again.]
    Alex
    Hang on a sec.. I've got lackeys!
    Felix
    I'm playing Raijin. _
    Sheba (who has already skim-read her script)
    FUUJIN.
    Alex
    Obviously I have the lackeys of very little words.
    Sheba
    ¬_¬ RAGE!
    [Sheba kicks Alex in the shins.]
    Felix
    0_o;; She's already acting in character…
    [Ivan looks at his script yet again.]
    Ivan
    I have the lackeys of immense strength!
    [Ivan points at Sean and Ouranos, who are playing Ward and Kiros respectively]
    Sean
    So we answer to a Jupiter little wimp…
    Ivan
    Don't worry, I get aged about twelve years forward. Heh, I must be hot…
    Mia
    I have the lackeys of… Mercury.
    [Mia points to Justin and Megan, playing Watts and Zone respectively]
    Megan (who isn't actually acting)
    Owwww.. Stomach cramp…
    __Garet
    I'm playing Irvine… Forget the lackeys, I get the ladies.
    [Garet smiles, and makes a 'come here' gesture. Mia, Jenna, and Feizhi come over and hug him.]
    Garet
    Heheheheh…
    Feizhi
    I am playing Quistis. I always knew I should be a teacher.
    Hsu
    And I am playing Zell. Finally, an authoress who appreciates my kung fu skills.
    [Jenna is staring horrified at her script]
    Jenna
    I'm playing.. Selphie… NOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!
    All except Jenna
    Huh?
    [Jenna starts crying]
    Jenna
    I have to get my hair cut and curled! I have to wear YELLOW! Yellow is not my colour, yellow is not my colour!!!
    [The cast starts laughing at her]
    Mia
    I need to get a haircut, and some streaks.
    Feizhi
    I like my hair long…
    Sheba
    HAIRCUT. EYE PATCH.
    Felix
    (She's creepy… Why did I ever jump off the Lighthouse for her?)
    Sheba
    RAGE!
    [Sheba kicks Felix in the shins, causing most of the cast to quickly get away from her]
    Kraden
    I'm playing Cid Kramer!
    [Kraden starts ranting. That makes two people being avoided by the general cast.]
    Karst
    I'm playing Edea.. Why do I have to be the one to team up with the KerneLs and wear the creepy mask?
    Menardi
    At least you don't have to talk with K's for every C. I'm playing Ultimecia.
    Karst
    True.
    [Karst shrugs, and looks over at Agatio and Saturos.]
    Karst
    Who're you guys playing?
    Agatio
    Um.. The President of Galbadia.
    [The cast starts laughing at him, and he slinks off into a corner.]
    Agatio
    (it's not fair… it's not fair i tell you.. it's not flipping fair… flip? since when do i say flip?)
    Saturos
    I play.. Oh, Mars, this isn't fair…
    Rest of cast
    Hmm?
    [everyone crowds over to look at Saturos's script. Scrawled across the top of it is the word "Biggs".]
    Saturos (mournfully)
    And Agatio was double casted as Wedge..
    [the cast laughs again.]
    Picard
    I'm playing General Caraway…
    Mia
    What is your last name, anyway? We have to call you General something…
    Picard (calmly)
    Oronrá.
    [the cast STARES at him. Garet's sister, Kay, breaks the silence with a cry of…]
    
    Kay
    I'm playing ELLONE!
    [Ivan stares mortified at her.]
    Ivan (slowly)
    You're playing………Ellone?
    [Kay glares.]
    Kay
    Look, if you're being aged forward, there's no reason I can't be aged backwards AND forwards, got it?
    [Garet snickers at the look on Ivan's face.]
    Ivan
    Hang on a sec… Who's playing Raine?
    [Kay shrugs.]
    Kay
    Dunno. Heard an aged backward Lady McCoy's playing Xu, though.
    [the cast sniggers, all muttering "Suits her."]
    *** * * * * end * * * * *
    **
    A quick rundown of who's who, in case (you probably did) you forgot, in order of appearance…
    (comments in brackets. The last names are made up by moi, except for Glaven [Akiko], Jerra, and Hammet [both from the game]. The ones I got stuck on are actually from the Elvish Name Generator…)
    People:
    Isaac Birchwood = Squall Leonhart
    Mia Krescien = Rinoa Heartilly, Julia Heartilly
    Karst = Sorceress Edea
    Alex Glaven = Seifer
    Vale Sanctum Great Healer = Dr. Kadowaki
    Kay Jerra = Ellone Loire
    Feizhi Chang = Quistis Trepe
    Random people = Trepies (called Changies here)
    Jenna Kambridge = Selphie Tilmitt
    Hsu Lee = Zell Dincht
    Lady McCoy = Xu
    Kraden = Headmaster Cid
    Felix Kambridge = Raijin
    Sheba Vossenn = Fuujin
    Saturos = Biggs
    Agatio = Wedge, Galbadian President
    Ivan Hammet = Laguna Loire
    Sean Dorthonien = Ward
    Ouranos Loscalyn = Kiros
    Megan Inwye = Zone
    Justin Inwye = Watts
    Garet Jerra = Irvine Kinneas

Picard Oronrá = General Caraway
    
    ? = Raine Loire
    (I think that's everyone… All the main characters, anyway.. Will add more as I go along…)
    GFs:
    Procne = Quezacotl
    Boreas = Shiva
    Kirin's rider and Meteor = Ifrit *holds up a sign that says "Don't ask…"*
    Nereid = Siren
    Judgment = Diablos *snicker, snicker*
    Ramses and Cybele = Sacred and Minotaur (Brothers)
    Kirin = Carbuncle *snicker, snicker*
    (I'll probably run out of summons to play the GFs, but that's OKay – I can always dip into GS2:TLA combo tablet summons…)


	2. The Beginning

****

Golden Fantasy VIII

Part 2: The Beginning
    
    Speech format:

name of character, underlined (how they're speaking/writing in brackets next to the character name)
    
    speech
    Thoughts and whispers in (brackets)

Stuff flashing across the middle of the screen will be centered

What's happening in [straight brackets]
    
    Author *cough*programmer*cough* comments in {fancy brackets}

FMV sequence {yep, on a GBA. don't ask how.} in _italics_

Clickable and stuff that in the game had [brackets] around them in **bold** (I know that parts of the opening FMV sequence are in bold.. I tried to take out the bold-ness. I really did.)

Everything in between the * * * * * start * * * * * and * * * * * end * * * * * signs are part of the story

* * * * * start * * * *

_[water laps at the edge of the Karagol Sea, despite there being no waves in the Karagol] _

[crossing the Karagol]

"I'll be here…"

"Why…?"

_[dry, rocky desert] _

"I'll be 'waiting'…here…"

_[close up of Isaac's face, then Mia standing in an Imil ice field. Back to the desert.] _

"Where is here…?"

_[back to the ice field…] _

"I'll be 'waiting'…wherever here is…for you…so…"

"If you come here…"

_[quickly, Mia in the field. Then field. Then Mia. Then field. Then Mia. They like the field, do they not?] _

"You'll find me."

_[view raises, to snowflakes flying in the sky…] _

"Where IS here?"

"Don't know. Don't care. Just promise already."

"Fine.. I 'promise'…"

_[a snowflake falls into Mia's hand, and she holds it. When she opens her hand, the snowflake has melted, and she's refrozen it. The refrozen snowflake drifts away to lightning in a dark rocky place. Isaac's gunblade falls out of the sky and gets stuck in a dark, rocky place. More lightning, and you see a quick shot of Karst in sorceress gear.] _

MISS BLACK DRAGON, CAMELOT, AND SQUARESOFT PRESENT

_[Isaac's face] _

GOLDEN FANTASY

__

[Isaac's chest and Mourner necklace]

VIII

_[zoom up from the Gunblade. Isaac grabs the 'blade and takes a while to yank it out of the ground, falling over in the process. Alex is also shown, he's got a matching Gunblade, and he's looking rather annoyed at the time it takes Isaac to get his Gunblade back. Isaac runs forward, starting to attack.] _

GF8

__

[Isaac pulls up his Gunblade, slooowly preparing to strike. Icicles drop down from the top of the screen, and you see the ice motif on the back of Mia's duster. She looks behind, and you see Karst with her mask on, looking rather ridiculous and annoyed at her ridiculousness. Mia, then a close up with Karst in her mask. You see Karst without her mask, then Karst, with the mask on, with Mia behind her. Then you see her without her mask, and yeah, Mia's still behind her. Karst walks forwards, and Mia clutches her ring that happens to look a lot like Isaac's Mourner necklace.]

[To make a long story short, Isaac and Alex fight, Alex illegally using Fire para-magic {yep, para-magic, not Psynergy…} to drive Isaac back, then scarring him across the forehead. Isaac scars him back, and then there's a whole bunch of confusing scenes, mostly of Mia running to Isaac, and them starting to-]

****
    
    Voice From Off-Screen That Sounds Suspiciously Like The Rain Child
    Did I just see Mudshipping?!

Voice From Off-Screen That Sounds Suspiciously Like Triad Orion
    
    Mudshipping - WHERE?!

[Triad runs to the Golden Fantasy 8 player, knocking the GBA and the player to the ground in one not-so-fluid motion. Thanks to Triad's trademark clumsiness, everybody misses the rest of the FMV sequence.]

Voices From Off-Screen That Sound Suspiciously Like the Golden Sun authors
    
    Thanks a lot!

[The scene on the newly picked up GBA shifts to the Tolbi Garden Infirmary. Isaac's in bed, with the Sanctum Healer hovering over him. The camera angle shifts slightly to include Isaac's dry erase board in the picture, then Isaac wakes up and sits up in bed.]

Sanctum Healer
    
    How're you feeling?

[Isaac makes writing motions.]

Sanctum Healer
    
    Oh yes, that's right, you need your dry erase board and pens, don't you. Here you are.

[The Sanctum Healer hands Isaac his dry erase board, and an assortment of pens. Isaac frowns at the small colour variety, and looks at his dry erase board. Two choices have been written on it, the first one being, "OKay, I guess" and "My forehead hurts". Using his neon pastel pink pen, he circles "My forehead hurts".]

Voice From Off-Screen
    
    Obviously the programmer's been reading too much Elena and Akiko…

Voice From Off-Screen That Sounds Suspiciously Like the Programmer (Car/Miss Black Dragon)
    
    How can you read too much Elena and Akiko? They rule!

Sanctum Healer
    
    No kidding. … Looks like your eyes are focusing. Say – er, write your name for me.
    Isaac (writing in straight purple)
    Isaac.
    Sanctum Healer
    Why don't you take it easy in 'training'? Next time you mightn't be so lucky.
    Isaac (writing in neon pastel orange)
    Tell that to Alex.
    Sanctum Healer
    Please don't use the neon pastels.
    Isaac (writing in black)
    …
    Sanctum Healer
    (ahem) That Alex won't listen to anyone. Why don't you ignore him?
    Isaac (writing in forest green)
    Because he's annoying, he's got stupid hair, he went out with Mia, he stood Mia up five hundred too many times, he's a chickenwuss, he's a lackey, he HAS lackeys, he's a muse wannabe, he tried to get Alchemy, he needs a haircut…
    Sanctum Healer
    O_o;; I'll go get your instructor… Feizhi, that's it! I'll get her now…
    [The Sanctum Healer leaves.]
    [Kay enters the Infirmary, bends down and looks at Isaac through the window.]
    Isaac… So we meet again. Nope, that time when Garet squashed my flowers doesn't count.
    Isaac (writing in very scribbly crimson)
    WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?! YOU'RE NOT FEIZHI!!! YOU'RE-
    Kay (before Isaac can finish writing)
    SHHHH! You're not meant to know my name! Something about the Djinni Summons took your orphanage memories away…
    Isaac(writing in rose pink)
    Djinni Summons don't take your memories away.. And what's this about an orphanage?
    Kay
    I've said too much.
    [Kay leaves.]
    _[Feizhi enters the Infirmary and looks at Isaac, who's still on the bed. She rolls her eyes, smiling.]
    _[Feizhi leans over Isaac.]
    Feizhi
    I had a premonition. It'd be you who ended up in the Infirmary. Obviously, Master Hama's teachings worked…
    [Isaac rolls his eyes.]
    Feizhi
    Come on, we need to go. Today is the Field Exam.
    [The scene switches to the Tolbi Garden Center-Infirmary hallway. Isaac and Feizhi walk slooowly down the hallway, Feizhi watching Isaac the whole time.]
    Feizhi
    Isaac… Is there something on your mind?
    Isaac
    …
    [Isaac starts to write something on his dry erase board.]
    Feizhi (before he can finish)
    Not really.
    [Feizhi smiles widely, and Isaac glares at her, starting to write.]
    Isaac (writing in icy blue)
    What's so
    Feizhi
    Funny? It is not that. I am just happy.
    [Isaac raises an eyebrow.]
    Feizhi
    I feel like I'm starting to understand mute-boy a bit better.
    Isaac (writing in blood red)
    I'm more complex than you think. It's awfully hard to communicate with a dry erase board, y'know.
    Feizhi
    Then get a bigger dry erase board. And write more about yourself.
    Isaac (writing in corn yellow)
    It's none of your
    Feizhi
    Business!
    [Feizhi smiles.]
    Isaac (writing in glittery silver)
    That wasn't fair. It's a very predictable sentence.
    Feizhi
    Do not forget. I can predict the future, too.
    [Isaac sighs, and they keep walking down the hall.]
    _[The camera pans around Tolbi Garden, watching various KerneL candidates wandering aimlessly through the hallways. You also see the outside of Tolbi Garden.]
    _[The scene shifts to the 2floor classroom. Isaac and Feizhi enter, and the students sit down. They go to their desks.]
    Feizhi
    Hello. Let us start with today's schedule. The field exam for KerneL candidates will be this afternoon. Everyone not taking part, stay here in study hall. Field exam participants have free time until the exam, just stay in top condition. Meet in the **main hall** **at 1600 hours**. The team assignments will be announced there. ALEX, STOP RIPPING YOUR TRAINING PARTNER'S FOREHEADS OPEN! THAT'S THE THIRD ONE THIS WEEK!
    [Alex scowls darkly, and looks fondly down at his gunblade case.]
    Player
    KERNEL?!
    Voice From Off Screen That Sounds Suspiciously Like Akiko
    (SeeD, stupid…)
    Player
    But still.. KerneL?!
    Voice From Off Screen That Sounds Suspiciously Like Car
    Yeah, you gotta problem with that?
    [The Player gulps.]
    Player
    Nope… None at all…
    Feizhi
    Any questions?
    [Some students raise their hands, but Feizhi has already called on them. Being part Jupiter comes in handy…]
    Random Tolbi Garden Student
    How come your five minute speech counts as a lesson?
    [Feizhi frowns.]
    Feizhi
    That is one thing I do not know. I will be sure to ask Master Hama about that later.
    Random Tolbi Garden Student 2
    Where's Instructor Quistis? And Squall, Seifer, Selphie, and Irvine, too…
    [Feizhi blushes.]
    Feizhi
    You're not supposed to ask that…
    RTGS2
    Why not?
    Feizhi
    Ask Headmaster Kraden about that…
    RTGS3
    Isn't it meant to be Headmaster Cid?
    [Feizhi sweatdrops, and she pulls Isaac outside the room without formally dismissing the class. Various Changies frown. Isaac starts to go back into the classroom, but Feizhi stops him with a surprisingly strong grip.]
    Isaac
    (But I… I need to get my…)
    [Feizhi casts Mind Read.]
    Feizhi
    Dry erase board?
    [Isaac nods vigorously.]
    Feizhi
    It is fine. You can get a new one later.
    [The door to the classroom opens, and the pair is stampeded by the rushing students. After the students are gone, Isaac and Feizhi get up shakily, both with footprints all over them.]
    Feizhi
    Isaac, you can get your dry erase board now.
    Isaac (being Mind Read by Feizhi)
    (You?)
    Feizhi
    I shall stay here.
    [Isaac shrugs helplessly, and walks back into the now empty classroom, where he grabs his dry erase board and pens, but sits down at his study panel.]
    Isaac
    (Hmm, let's see…)
    [Two options have appeared on Isaac's dry erase board, written in flax green: "Turn it on…" and "This 'technology' thing is too confusing." Picking up his mud brown pen, Isaac circles "Turn it on…" with it, and the study panel automatically switches itself on.]
    Study Panel
    ~Tolbi Garden Network~
    Main Index
    **Tutorial (NEW! Click me! Click me!)
    The Basics
    About Garden
    A Message From Garden
    Garden Circle
    The School Festival Committee
    **~Tolbi~
    [Isaac, not immune to the powers of the "Click me! Click me!", clicks Tutorial.]
    Study Panel
    ~Tutorial~
    Log in:
    [Isaac slowly types in, "Isaac".]
    Study Panel
    Confirmed.
    Djinn Summon data
    For **Isaac
    **
    …Searching…
    Djinn Summons registered under
    **Isaac** are:
    **Djinn Summon Procne
    Djinn Summon Boreas
    **Isaac
    (Ivan and Mia are gonna be mad at me…)
    Study Panel
    The **Tutorial** covers all aspects of gameplay.
    Voice From Off Screen That Sounds Suspiciously Like The Rain Child
    So it'll tell us the pairings in this fic?
    [A message appears on Isaac's dry erase board, not that he wrote it or anything: "Sorry. Not that."]
    Voices From Off Screen That Sound Suspiciously Like Elena and Akiko
    (Let's hope for Kittyshipping…)
    Player
    Shaddup.. Lemme play this thing…
    [Isaac browses through the Study Panel for a while, then heads back out to the hallway with his Djinni Summons, dry erase board, and pens.]
    Feizhi
    Ready to go?
    Isaac (writing in sea blue)
    Go… where?
    Feizhi
    You need to go to **Altmiller Cave** and pick up the **Djinni Summon** there. It's a prerequisite you were supposed to do before the **KerneL exam**, but since you were busy getting your forehead ripped open, you obviously didn't go.
    Player
    Does anyone think she's going a bit overboard on the bold text?
    Isaac
    (Darn those students of Master Hama…)
    Feizhi (who'd just cast Mind Read)
    I heard that.
    * * * * * end * * * * *


	3. Isaac the Tour Guide, and Meeting Ifrit

****

Golden Fantasy VIII

Part 3: Isaac the Tour Guide, and Meeting "Ifrit"
    
    Speech format:

name of character, underlined (how they're speaking/writing in brackets next to the character name)
    
    speech
    Thoughts and whispers in (brackets)
    Speech from someone who is as of yet unnamed to your character in "speech marks"

Stuff flashing across the middle of the screen will be centered

What's happening in [straight brackets]
    
    Author *cough*programmer*cough* comments in {fancy brackets}

FMV sequence {yep, on a GBA. don't ask how.} in _italics_

Clickable and stuff that in the game had [brackets] around them in **bold**

Everything in between the *** * * * * start * * * * *** and *** * * * * end * * * * *** signs are part of the story
    
    
    {On that note, my centering isn't working, the text seems to have made my browser screen REALLY REALLY long, and my story seems to have uploaded in two different fonts…}

****

* * * * * start * * * *
    
    
    Feizhi
    I'll be waiting…
    Voices From Off Screen That Sound Suspiciously Like the GS Authors Who Have Played FF8
    here… For what? I'll be 'waiting'…here…for you…so…
    Feizhi
    …at the **Front Gate**. So, if you go to the **Front Gate**…
    Voices From Off Screen That Sound Suspiciously Like the GS Authors Who Have Played FF8
    You'll find me. I promise. {Hands up who actually understood that…}
    [The Player falls over.]
    Feizhi
    …we'll start your prerequisite. See you later.
    [Feizhi leaves.]
    [Isaac strolls leisurely down the **2floor hallway**, and as he turns to go to the next hallway, he is bumped into by Jenna, who promptly falls over.]
    "This thing really makes fun of my clumsiness… It's not my fault I almost fell off the platforms in Sol Sanctum…"
    [Four options appear on Isaac's dry erase board:
    "**HAHAH, look at your hair!**"
    "**You look good in the T-Garden uniform.**"
    "**You OKay there?**"
    "**……………**"
    Isaac circles the first option.]
    Isaac (already written for him)
    HAHAH, look at your hair!
    [Jenna pouts.]
    "Not my fault!"
    "I was in a hurry.. You just came from that class, is registration over?"
    Isaac (written in Girl Guide 'aqua' {I'm telling you, that's pure green!})
    Registration? What registration?
    "Ohhhhh nooooo…"
    "I just transferred here from Vale Garden, this place is so much bigger! Could you show me around?"
    [Options on Isaac's dry erase board:
    "**What's with the scar?**"
    "**OKay**"
    "**……………**"
    Isaac circles the first and second options.]
    Isaac (already written for him)
    OKay.
    What's with the scar?
    "Thank you so much!"
    "Scar? Oh, you've got one too… Had a training session with this guy called Alex Glaven. He ripped my face open. The Sanctum dude told me I was the second one this week. Selfish little…"
    Isaac
    (Note to self, look out for more people with scars across their foreheads.) [writing in lavender] C'mon, let's go. We'll take the **lift** to the **1F lobby** and I'll show you the **directory**.
    Player
    And once again the characters go overboard on the bold.
    Voice From Off Screen That Sounds Suspiciously Like Akiko
    The only thing bolded in the game was **directory**… Eep, now I'm starting!
    [Jenna sort-of joins Isaac's party. You know, the way Kraden did/does in Sol Sanctum and in GS2: TLA.]
    [They run down the hallway together. Since Isaac apparently doesn't have a huge back pocket when in buildings and cities, Jenna follows him around like a lost puppy.]
    Voice From Off Screen That Sounds Suspiciously Like the Rain Child
    Heheheheh.. Valeshipping goodness…
    Voice From Off Screen That Doesn't Sound Like Anyone In Particular
    So Jenna following Isaac around equals Valeshipping? Sheesh, you could make up whole new yaoi couples if you're going by that kind of reasoning…
    "I really resent this game.. I really do… Why can't I just magically fit in your backpack like in Sol Sanctum?"
    Isaac (written in wood stain golden brown)
    Don't know, I don't seem to be allowed to shove people in my back pocket while in buildings and the like. It's kind of strange…
    [Isaac and Jenna walk up to someone and start 'talking' to them.]
    Girl Who Told Garet About the Karagol Sea
    Hi there! Apparently I'm supposed to be nice to the main characters and give them seven cards that I supposedly got from my imaginary brother. (I don't even have a brother, I've got a sister who runs the ticket office, but no brother…) Before you ask, I'm giving them to ya whether you like it or not, I don't know how you play, you should look in the **Tutorial**, you play with someone by pressing **L**, not everyone's a card player, and I don't play. Here ya go.
    Received 7 **Cards**!
    "Oh, the kindness of strangers…"
    [They head to the **lift** to the **1F lobby**, and Isaac shows Jenna the **directory**.]
    Isaac (writing in Wise Elder Student Black)
    Bla bla bla. Move cursor with +, select with A. Bla bla bla. Quick Explanation my foot. Bla bla bla. **Dormitories** to North. Rest and change there, STAY OUT OF MY DORM. Bla bla bla. **Cafeteria** North-West. Big rush for hotdogs. Watch out for crazy hotdog obsessed kung fu people. Bla bla bla. **Car Park** North-East. Garden car for missions. Bla bla bla. **Front Gate** to the South. Must meet Instructor Chang there. Bla bla bla…
    [Jenna has stopped reading.]
    Player
    So THIS is where the 'over a hundred hours of gameplay' comes from…
    Isaac (writing in Wise Older Student Black)
    Bla bla bla. **Quad** directly East. Event being planned there.
    "What? Oh. The Garden Festival, I'm on the Committee, wanna join?"
    Isaac (writing in Wise Elder Student Black, and obviously ignoring her)
    Bla bla bla. **Infirmary** South-West. Advice, injury treatment. No one knows the doctor's name. Just call him GH for Great Healer. Bla bla bla. **Training Center** directly East. Only facility open at night. Real monsters, but most of them are push overs. Watch out for couples making out in **secret area**. Bla bla bla. **Library** South West. Highly boring books there, but the Restore Draw Point and refreshing Occult Fan Is are worth a visit. Bla bla bla. **Headmaster Kraden's office 3F**. Permission needed to get up there. Bla bla bla…
    (hurriedly) "Thanks for the help, but I gotta go! See you in the KerneL exam!"
    Isaac (writing in indigo denim blue)
    Ungrateful little…
    

[Isaac sighs silently, and wanders into the **Cafeteria**…]

Alex (who is sitting at a cafeteria with Sheba and Felix)
    
    I refuse to get my hair bleached! I REFUSE!

Voice From Off Screen That Sounds Suspiciously Like lucius

Look! There's my idea! ^_^

[Sheba, sitting across the table from Alex, looks verrry menacing…]

Alex (meekly)

I'll get it spiked…

Felix (who's sitting in between them)

's too long to spike, unless you want to look like Garet.

[Everyone in the **Cafeteria** who's from the GS universe cringes.]

Felix

Hey! Isaac! Over here!

[Sheba directs her Evil Scowl at Felix, who pales, and huddles into his seat.]

Sheba (whispering)  
(RAGE…)

Isaac

(How do you whisper shouting? This game's full of contradictions…)

Hsu (who has just wandered in and cast Mind Read on Isaac)

I believe it is called hissing.

[Hsu walks to the cafeteria people, also known as the cooks from the GS universe inns.]

Hsu

Any riceballs left?

Cook From the Imil Inn

Sorry, we're all out… The Xianese cook left on his breakfast break, and for some strange reason, nobody else knows how to make rice, let alone riceBALLS. But we do have some **Imil Super Hot Pepper Soup**!

****

Pay 100 coins for some Imil Super Hot Pepper Soup

Hsu

No thank you…

[Hsu starts crying and running around the **Cafeteria**.]

Player

And once again the programmer goes overboard on the boldness.

[Car, not tiptoeing or standing on anything, holds a mallet in hitting position right over the Player's head. Impressive feat, considering she's about five inches shorter than him/her/it.]

Hsu

NOOOOOOO, my precious riceballs! There are none of the precious riceballs left! NO, MY PRECIOUS RICEBALLS! YOU SHALL BE AVENGED!!!

Isaac

(Avenged for what… nonexistence?)

Alex

Oh look, he's screaming and running, thus breaking several of the Garden rules.

[He does nothing.]

Isaac

(Some Head of the Diciplinary Committee… This is why I have to listen to him…)

Player

Look at that, he's a moron AND he just pulled off an oxymoron!

[The various Isaac fans in the room do as Car did. There are now around ten people holding mallets above the Player's head.]

Sheba

GO! ARREST! GIVE DETENTION!

Alex, Felix

Don'wanna.

Sheba (menacing expression again)

GO… ARREST…

Felix, Alex (sounding slightly scared)

Don'wanna…

Sheba

NOW!!!!!!!!

[Alex and Felix look scared, and run off after Hsu, Sheba directly behind them, even though she left at least twenty seconds after them.]

Voice From Off Screen That Sounds Suspiciously Like Whoever's Currently Reading This

Must be the speed of Jupiter…

Isaac

(And none of them stop to think that THEY'RE breaking the rules as well. Running in the halls indeed.)

[Isaac shrugs, and starts playing Triple Orion with some of the Changies.]

Voice From Off Screen That Sounds Suspiciously Like Triad Orion

Now, if only they'd kept the "Triad" in it…
    
    [Various off screen voices mutter darkly about the evils of parodies and the GS section.]
    Voice From Off Screen That Sounds Suspiciously Like Car
    Tone it down, will ya? If you don't like GS OR parodies, then why are you here, anyway?
    [The owners of the off screen voices point to the various GS styled parody writers in the room, including the likes of Midnight C, Griffinkhan, and the writer of "Not Another GS Style Harry Potter Parody" whose name Car has forgotten, not to mention Triad Orion, Elena, and Akiko. Said writers, plus the ones Car doesn't currently remember, fall over.]
    Player (gritting teeth)
    Must… Ignore… Idiots… Surrounding me…
    [Isaac, finished playing Triple Orion and having won quite a few cards, wanders over to the **Quad**.]
    "Hey, you! Yes, you! Get over here and join the Garden Festival Committee!"
    "Oh, and it doesn't matter what you say or don't say, coz I'm gonna ask you again at the KerneL auguration party again anyway, so HAH!"
    [Options on Isaac's dry erase board:
    **Make me!
    OKay
    …whatever**]
    [Isaac wisely rubs everything on the dry erase board out.]
    "Don't IGNORE ME, you JERK!"
    "I HATE YOU! MEANIE!"
    Player
    Hey hey hey, looks like Jenna learned her insults off Mia as well.
    [Without even thinking about it, Muse Mia uses the Evil Eye on the Player, mutters several dirty insults under her breath in Imilian, sticks Muse Isaac behind the Player, and joins the Mallet Brigade.]
    [Isaac wanders back out of the **Quad** and into the **Training Center**.]
    Vermin
    Roar.
    [Isaac calmly skewers it with his Gunblade. This happens to a lot more of the Vermins {who are playing Grats, by the way}, until Isaac runs into a…]
    Feizhi
    Storm Lizard! Isaac, sometimes it's better to run!
    Player
    What's she doing here? I thought she was at the **Front Gate**?
    [Feizhi blinks, and walks back out of the **Training Center** and to the **Front Gate**.]
    Isaac
    (That was very strange.)
    [Isaac shrugs, and _Summons Thor_ onto the Storm Lizard {who's actually playing a T-Rexaur}, doing very little damage.]
    Storm Lizard
    Ohh, that hurt SO much.
    [The Storm Lizard casts Wind Slash, its substitute for Aero para-magic.]
    Isaac (somehow managing to scribble it in neon lilac, even though he's in the middle of a battle)
    Likewise, ol' Stormy. I've beaten you ten times, and I'll beat you again.
    Storm Lizard
    Such big words from such a little teenager.
    Isaac (written in blood red, with a very calm expression on his face)
    WHAT did you say?
    Storm Lizard
    I said…
    [_Isaac Summons Boreas._ Far too quickly for their Compatability measurement, but he/she/it manages to one hit wonder kill the Storm Lizard.]
    Isaac (in happy orange)
    Who says Storm Lizards are weak against Venus instead of Mercury? Welcome to Golden Fantasy VIII, where Ice magic kills them…]
    Voice From Off Screen That Sounds Suspiciously Like the latest newbie in the GS section
    If only Storm Lizards _were_ weak to Mercury…
    [Isaac draws from the **Frost Draw Point**, then exits the **Training Center** and heads out to the **Front Gate**.]
    Feizhi
    Ready to go?
    Oh, I'll have to remind you about **junctioning GFs**…
    Bla bla bla **Junction Menu** bla bla bla **Junction GF** bla bla bla get GFs from bla bla bla…
    Player
    NOO! Where's the cancel button on this?!
    Voices From Off Screen That Sound Suspciously Like the GS authors (as if it's incredibly obvious, and some with "Are you TRYING not to think?" expressions)
    *cough***B BUTTON***cough*
    [The Player hurriedly hits B.]
    Feizhi
    OKay, let's go. **Altimer Cave** is **North West** from here.
    [Feizhi joins Isaac's party, and they make their way to **Altimer Cave**, fighting off various Rats, Worms, and Gnomes on the way. Inside said Cave, Isaac looks around quizically.]
    Isaac (written in Bic "blue" {really a kind of purplish blue})
    And there I was thinking the Fire Cavern, or its subsitute, was meant to be straight forward?
    Feizhi
    Actually, the Djinni Summon you are looking for is just at the end of the first floor, thank the Gods. Pick a time limit.
    **10 minutes
    20 minutes
    30 minutes
    40 minutes
    **
    Isaac (written in neon pastel yellow, simply because the neon pastels are the only colours visible in **Altimer Cave**)
    Half an hour.
    Feizhi
    OKay.
    [They start off down the cave, fighting off Red Bats and Bombs. Isaac manages to get hold of a Bomb Fragment, thinking it'll come in handy.]
    Feizhi
    Y'know, sometimes when the boys come here with me, they choke up… Must be my charm, huh?
    Voices From Off Screen That Sound Suspiciously Like Elena and Akiko
    Weirdshipping! ^_^
    Isaac
    (….whatever. it's probably just because you're part Jupiter.)
    [They get to just before the Djinni Summons' Chamber.]
    Feizhi
    Well, this is it. Are you ready?
    Isaac
    (If I weren't, would I be here?)
    [Isaac nonchalantly steps forward. Kirin's rider leaps out of the lava pit, lava dripping off her dress.]
    Kirin's rider
    WHO DARES DISTURB MY---hang on, wrong line. What's my line again?
    Feizhi
    You don't have one. You just roar then jump straight into battle.
    Kirin's rider
    OKay then. By the way, could I have a better name?
    Player
    And Griffinkhan's influences begin to show.
    Feizhi
    Maybe later.
    [They battle. Isaac continuously _summons Boreas_, much to the dislike of Kirin's rider. Feizhi hangs round casting Cure and Frost {she drew it from the monsters around the cave}.****With about twenty seconds left on the clock, Kirin's rider is beaten.]
    Isaac (written in icy blue – methinks he's been summoning Boreas too much)
    I thought Meteor was supposed to be with you?
    Kirin's rider
    Oh, he only shows up when you summon me/us. Antisocial old loner. Hurry up and name me already!
    [Feizhi thoughtfully puts in "Meilyn and Meteor" for her, ignoring the character limit.]
    Meilyn
    Meilyn? Well, I suppose it's better than Bernie…
    [The group snickers.]
    Feizhi
    Well, you do look kind of Xianese, and your costume does remind me of Meilin in Cardcaptors.
    Meilyn
    O_O YOU WATCH CARDCAPTORS?!?
    Feizhi (embarassed)
    Well, where do you think I learned my para-magic?
    Isaac
    (Hmph, I learned my para-magic from those books in the T-Garden Library…)
    [They leave the cave, Meilyn and Meteor as of yet un-Junctioned.]
    [At the **Front Gate**…]
    Feizhi
    I'll tell you how to **take care of a DS**.
    Isaac (written in glow-in-the-dark green)
    What's a DS?
    Feizhi (ignoring him)
    Bla bla bla---
    [The Player hits B.]
    Feizhi
    Go to the **Front Hallway** at 1600 hours for your **Field Exam**. You have free time until then, but try to keep in top condition.
    [Feizhi leaves.]
    Isaac (still confused, writing in the super-happy-lots-of-names-that-Car-forgot rainbow sparkly marker)
    What's a DS?
    *** * * * * end * * * * *
    **And for you couple-phobic people, a quick, handy *cough cough* list of all the couples you will see in this parody fic… Isaac Says Booga's name (if applicable) for the couple and the couple style *has no idea how to explain that* with nothing round it, the characters in (brackets), the FF8 equivalent of the couple in in {fancy brackets}, and my own reactions in *stars*.
    Mudshipping (Isaac/Mia) {Squinoa – Squall/Rinoa}
    one sided, confused Weirdshipping (Feizhi/Isaac) {Quall – Quistis/Squall}
    implied Imilshipping (Mia/Alex) {Seinoa *?* - Rinoa/Seifer}
    Puretortureshipping, one side real, one side acting (Ivan/Mia) {Julia/Laguna}
    forced acting Ivan/? {Laguna/Raine}
    implied Burnshipping (Jenna/Garet) {Irvine/Selphie}
    forced acting Kraden/Karst *snicker, snicker* {Cid/Edea}
    implied Hsu/Xianese Water Carrying Girl Who Also Needs a New Name {Zell/Library Girl with a Pigtail}
    I'm pretty sure that's everyone… *walks off to consult the FF8 script she found on the Net*


End file.
